Man makes mistakes. Man is born to err. Nobody is a perfectionist. We all know people whom we might really admire, who are an Inspiration to us, who are the 'Best possible'...Yet, It doesn’t leave them from erring. Ironically, there is no excuse for a mistake. 'Everybody Makes Mistakes’; 'To err is human'.
All of us know people around...friends, teachers, family whomever we might really have a high regard for, but they have a darker side to them too...because of that 'One mistake', error, and bug in their perfect programming. Gossip goes on about all, bad talk, bad instances... everybody has a small "blot", which thankfully might not be clear or distinct in some lives but in some it is!
As we analyze a character, not all people find him/her Good. You might have a friend you really like, good to you but he/she is not a great companion to your other friend. That doesn’t make him an enemy to you. Hence, at various perspectives, everybody is good and Bad, Great and worse and so on...
Man shows his 'n' dimensions on Earth. These 'n' dimensions are received by 'n' different people in 'n' different ways and no man is not without striking a chord in some or the other life, not without being good to somebody as much as he might err.
There are places where 'you' being not so good to somebody doesn't stop them from loving you. Maybe its pity that’s shaping into love, maybe concern, Maybe their own virtue...But your faults truly don’t matter to some. There are so many relations where things don’t turn out the right way, Where mistakes are already made...They are Relations still and do withhold Love. In the complex knitting of this peculiar fabric where holes and cross-stitches are a part, Love is well embedded. All of us know people, so close to us who 'might not be doing it just right', yet you love them. We have friends who might have hurt you at one point, whom you have hurt...What’s the result? We discover each other’s weaknesses’ and that is not all...Knowingly or unknowingly...Subconsciously, We tend to protect them, prevent them from erring.
"Love with faults”. Maybe this was what it meant, to see through ones faults and not vacate that small place they might have occupied in your heart...Look through and let Go...But don’t judge too soon...Don’t hurt too soon...This was what it meant? Maybe...All those people trying to live in prisons for Crimes they have committed and not have, All those people who are facing 'Life sentence' for once committed Atrocities, Who if given a chance might change...All those people who have become Social outcasts, Like fighting a Life taking disease like AIDS is not enough?, All those Trans and Homosexuals who have ventured anti-nature and seek Natures, Mankind’s acceptance...Can’t we love them because they have blundered??? Can’t we accept them for that one act which after its consequences, we decided to call it a ‘Mistake’?
Loving is a process, A practice and a habit...You love somebody daily, It cannot wane with time, it’s not an emotion, it’s an old habit which will die hard and is accompanied by many emotions. Not having someone perfect doesn’t lessen your love. ‘Love has to be perfect’. As you think on these lines, you might be amazed at how many people you know around you who are not so perfect and yet that can’t stop you from loving them. In this habit of loving, one cannot find fault, one cannot let their close ones err...and yet can totally accept if nature plans to add spice to a perfect life with a small mistake and all that which follows...Realisation, Remorse, and Relief!!!
Through and Through...
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Genes as Boons!
These blurs in the mind's eye...These shapes that formed and vanished... These thoughts that could leave an impact,If only she remembered later...she felt the creative spurt...It was these times when she couldn't sleep, She felt anxious, tensed, restless...she felt that these were the times she was most Conscious, The time when she could sense "Life”. When that burning something...Maybe Zeal got her to do the right 'something’. Something she knew was going to be of great consequence...at least to her Conscious. These thoughts of distinct abstractedness formed some pictures in her mind...coloured and numbered...Five was blue, seven was yellow, Nine was indigo..."Sleep...".she shouted at the walls, You have to practice Math early in the morning....This thought gave her Goosebumps!
After successfully losing the Battle, She got up to get her violin and sat down to play what was going in her mind...It helped her concentrate. Her otherwise wavering mind found it difficult to focus on one thought. she was singing a tune in her mind while the shapes formed simultaneously....'No'....she told herself, 'Don’t come'!...she knew she had to play the violin or they won’t go...she played on and yet they came, She soon realised that she played as they came...She followed that pattern and that produced a divine sound from her violin she dint learn anywhere. Amazed at her discovery, she let the Images blur in her mind as the music took shape...This was the very feeling she felt....That something this good was always brewing and now it spilled all of a sudden.This was the feeling she had for all these years...This abstractedness needed a synchronisation.This she could now draw in her Music.These Random thoughts that disturbed her all these years were being useful now.But still...It was not in her control.
She got up early next morning, wanting to Revise for the Math test at school and she looked at her text book. the numbers confused her. As she looked at the solved examples, Nine was Indigo again, Seven was yellow and Blue's were Five and so on...This duality perplexed her. She concentrated still, struggling harder and ordering herself not to get Diverted by the colour or she'd flunk the test. This was too much to focus for a thirteen year old...It soon gave her a headache; she continued still...struggling nevertheless. She felt like she would Puke away. What with sleeping that less? Math tests scared her to death and gave her sleepless nights. She managed to remain a good student until she began mastering the violin. The school counsellor called the violin a distraction and cut her violin lessons. This made her even more restless and fluctuating, Even Mad...so she stopped complaining. She learned to bear the pain and manage to fair ok... but yesterday was one of those days when she felt she must play the violin or she'd die...
Analyse the above pie-chart and draw a bar graph...the question ran,Ah....This is easy, she thought and began drawing the axes.then she thought over taking the Intervels...multiples of five would be good,she thought and wrote them down on the Y-axes.Five was blue and ten was orange and this formed a beautiful pattern as she drew...she wanted to play the pattern on her violin,The patterns started forming again....The pain in trying to control the colours and the beautiful regular pattern of the five table was too much.She stared with her mouth open as she Let this beauty sink into the depths of her minds eye.The View was stunning and as she tried to concentrate back on the Graph,she fainted... not having her breakfast and with no proper sleep...
"This is a rare and interesting case....".she found herself lying on the white hospital sheets with the peculiar tincture smell reaching her nose simultaneously forming patterns in her mind...but not arousing her to play.she lay there, too weak to open her eyes and listening.
‘It’s a rare Gift’, The doc spoke....Very few people have it, he told her anxious parents. ‘Her senses are mixed...he went on...It’s what we call "Synasthesia". A common syndrome but in her case came a little more severe...As the numbers gave her colour, smell formed patterns....these senses were harmoniously symphonising and this confusion gave her an urge, and wanting to organise them the only way she knew, she felt stimulated to play the violin...To play and clear it off',he explained, marvelling at his own understanding and knew this would earn him a Doctorate. 'This way, she found a way to cure herself and keep herself sane’....The doc continued...This syndrome was genetic due to a Mutant gene and though common in creative people, It was mostly ignored as the person eventually learned to manage and distinguish the multiple senses. It was not without some pain....But this girl felt it even more because of the notes that danced in her mind. This friction among the senses could only temporarily clear while she played... so she played and healed...
She lay there hearing all this as she read the words "Synasthesia" again and again in her mind. She was grateful to her Music in helping her retaining her sanity all this while and knew she had to play on to cure it. she knew It was a syndrome so she would soon train to control each of the synapses and harmonise them from disturbing her daily activity and learning, especially Math. She knew that this syndrome was a boon as she could make wonderful music she later amazed at...as no normal person with that mere learning as she had, could make it!!!
But she wouldn't remember after It was over...after she subconsciousely played it???Or will she now????she only hoped she would lying there and wanting to be affected by this syndrome,Thanks to her genes....she thought!!!
After successfully losing the Battle, She got up to get her violin and sat down to play what was going in her mind...It helped her concentrate. Her otherwise wavering mind found it difficult to focus on one thought. she was singing a tune in her mind while the shapes formed simultaneously....'No'....she told herself, 'Don’t come'!...she knew she had to play the violin or they won’t go...she played on and yet they came, She soon realised that she played as they came...She followed that pattern and that produced a divine sound from her violin she dint learn anywhere. Amazed at her discovery, she let the Images blur in her mind as the music took shape...This was the very feeling she felt....That something this good was always brewing and now it spilled all of a sudden.This was the feeling she had for all these years...This abstractedness needed a synchronisation.This she could now draw in her Music.These Random thoughts that disturbed her all these years were being useful now.But still...It was not in her control.
She got up early next morning, wanting to Revise for the Math test at school and she looked at her text book. the numbers confused her. As she looked at the solved examples, Nine was Indigo again, Seven was yellow and Blue's were Five and so on...This duality perplexed her. She concentrated still, struggling harder and ordering herself not to get Diverted by the colour or she'd flunk the test. This was too much to focus for a thirteen year old...It soon gave her a headache; she continued still...struggling nevertheless. She felt like she would Puke away. What with sleeping that less? Math tests scared her to death and gave her sleepless nights. She managed to remain a good student until she began mastering the violin. The school counsellor called the violin a distraction and cut her violin lessons. This made her even more restless and fluctuating, Even Mad...so she stopped complaining. She learned to bear the pain and manage to fair ok... but yesterday was one of those days when she felt she must play the violin or she'd die...
Analyse the above pie-chart and draw a bar graph...the question ran,Ah....This is easy, she thought and began drawing the axes.then she thought over taking the Intervels...multiples of five would be good,she thought and wrote them down on the Y-axes.Five was blue and ten was orange and this formed a beautiful pattern as she drew...she wanted to play the pattern on her violin,The patterns started forming again....The pain in trying to control the colours and the beautiful regular pattern of the five table was too much.She stared with her mouth open as she Let this beauty sink into the depths of her minds eye.The View was stunning and as she tried to concentrate back on the Graph,she fainted... not having her breakfast and with no proper sleep...
"This is a rare and interesting case....".she found herself lying on the white hospital sheets with the peculiar tincture smell reaching her nose simultaneously forming patterns in her mind...but not arousing her to play.she lay there, too weak to open her eyes and listening.
‘It’s a rare Gift’, The doc spoke....Very few people have it, he told her anxious parents. ‘Her senses are mixed...he went on...It’s what we call "Synasthesia". A common syndrome but in her case came a little more severe...As the numbers gave her colour, smell formed patterns....these senses were harmoniously symphonising and this confusion gave her an urge, and wanting to organise them the only way she knew, she felt stimulated to play the violin...To play and clear it off',he explained, marvelling at his own understanding and knew this would earn him a Doctorate. 'This way, she found a way to cure herself and keep herself sane’....The doc continued...This syndrome was genetic due to a Mutant gene and though common in creative people, It was mostly ignored as the person eventually learned to manage and distinguish the multiple senses. It was not without some pain....But this girl felt it even more because of the notes that danced in her mind. This friction among the senses could only temporarily clear while she played... so she played and healed...
She lay there hearing all this as she read the words "Synasthesia" again and again in her mind. She was grateful to her Music in helping her retaining her sanity all this while and knew she had to play on to cure it. she knew It was a syndrome so she would soon train to control each of the synapses and harmonise them from disturbing her daily activity and learning, especially Math. She knew that this syndrome was a boon as she could make wonderful music she later amazed at...as no normal person with that mere learning as she had, could make it!!!
But she wouldn't remember after It was over...after she subconsciousely played it???Or will she now????she only hoped she would lying there and wanting to be affected by this syndrome,Thanks to her genes....she thought!!!
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Hope and Love
Mr.Raghavan stormed into the house, weary and tired, dropping down his suitcase...his sister followed,an old lady in her mid-sixties,with gray hair marking her age and a stern expression she proudly wore...she was a natural with that!
Soon on entering...he looked at his wife and grunted "Wer'e hungry,now serve..." and sat at the table like a hungry wolf.His sister followed suite,heaving with pride for her brother's so called command,Manliness and hold over the house.
His wife looked at them,hiding her surprise because they did not tell her they would come.As timid as she was,who after fifteen years of marriage,trained so much in adversity knew exactly where this was leading, put up her false courage which was 'for the moment' because after It was over she was sure to breakdown and cry.She belived whatever it was,'It were better come out than go in'.she dint restrain to stop her tears...she knew,either way it made no difference.
"Its not cooked yet,You have to wait..." she replied and greeted her sis-in-law very politely offering her water while they waited and ran inside to speed up the cooker,her husband followed her into the kitchen opening the lid of every dish and viewing to find fault.
Mrs.Raghavan turned to her husband and knowing pretty well she was going to fight a lost battle,took a deep breath and began...'couldnt you call when you were just on the way so I would put the food ready,Isn't this the 21st century?and why couldnt you tell me your sis was coming along too?'she asked in a polite singsong way...The effect was same anyways...To this whisper,he shouted a reply only to make sure his sis would listen and the fuss would take shape...
"Aha,Look now...I knew it sis,She doesnt like cooking for my family,she cant stand my family at all"..."Can you"?he asked his wife,who by now was in tears of shock,nodded her head in disbelief and left to cut the lemons,the tears clouding her view and complicating things furthermore.
At the same time,their daughter 'Avanthi' came out from her room after having a long conversation with an old pal and reviving memories...She saw her dad and said 'Hi,dad and looking at her aunt tried to smile....atleast something like that,but she couldnt.Sensing the tense mood,she put away...That was the best thing to do,she learned from past experience and joined her mom in the kitchen,grabbing a few tomatoes and a knife.She caught her moms eye and raised her eyebrows?'Why is she here?did he tell you?'.her mom nodded "No" and the rest was understood by Avanthi.
'Ya,dad should have called' she thought placing the dishes on the table and reflected on how the mans ego won all the time.These rifts were common in the house but the battle was not meant to be fair,not meant to be won...The winner was already declared,she nodded subconsciously at her dad...he only played his part again and again...while Avanthi's thoughts thus formed her eyes absorbed the whole scene...her mom was speaking through sobs that she had extra hours to work at the office that day,so she couldnt cook sooner.To this he replied 'then leave it,Leave your damned job and fulfill your duty like a wife...You want a name for yourself,Dont I earn enough'?,he shouted...Now,that was foolish thought Avanthi and frowned,and saw her aunt observing her every reaction from the corner of her eye.she went to fetch more curd from the fridge as they finished and left to watch TV.
She left to her room and thoght how they had to swing along with his mood.It was no house,she thought...It was a war camp,sense the enemy and act...as these thoughts took shape,It suddenly hit her how she was developing loathing for her dad,who did love them once upon a time,who still financed her education,asked about school,who sometimes tried to fill the gap...gap...That was the problem,Communication gap,Gap from showing love,Gap from showing he cared...
this realisation struck another chord..."Mom"!
In due course,after the storm subsided,she went to her mom to console her as she always did...
Oh Cmo'n,she told her "that Man and his damned sis cannot ruin anything for us" was what was formed in her mind,but knowing better reframed it to"Dad's got the temper mom,You've got to take it smooth...".She analysed that the sentence still supported her dad and knowing It was the best went consoling her...remembering the time when her Dad had actually hit her mom and Avanthi,fuming with anger called him a jerk.her mom's reaction was totally unexpected for 'Slap' came her hand fresh on Avanthi's cheek.It was difficult to percive Avanthi's feelings at that time.She couldnt decide if she hated her dad more for hitting mom or mom for this 'special treatment' when she meant to fight for justice,cheer her mom and boost her morale...
Avanthi stood flabbergasted with a hand on her cheek trying to grasp the reality while her mom said in a stern tone "Dare not speak of my husband like that,how can you disrespect him?do you realise he's your dad?Its my problem,dont bother"....she retorted.Such instances made Avanthi wonder what was that driving force in her mom that made her bear all this.As she thought about all this,she consoled her mom chosing the right words for howmanyth time???she lost track.
Avanthi built up her lines and courage and continued..."Mom,I dont know how your'e putting it up,If I were you,I'd..."
her mom understood and replied...'look child,If I want it,i can divorce him in minutes,seconds...no big deal...I know you'll come along too...and then what??'she asked.'What have I won?couldnt I keep up my own family?moreover,Whom does he have to be loved?youre dad?just us....his sis will only take control,He cannot live without me...she said shuddering at the thought and went by to make buttermilk for her dad.
Avanthi looked at the pair of them and repeatedly thought over the lines...specially "Whom does he have to be loved"?and "what have I won"?Such was her love for her husband,she thought...as she thought over and over,she could only admire her mom more and more....It was her decision,she thought,she chose to suffer...but dint suffer,she wanted it.She wanted to keep up the family,The system,The setup and the sacred feeling of marriage...she found anything tolerable for this...anything untill he cheated on her,at this Avanthi stopped and nodded 'No other woman can put up this personality'she thought with a slight smile.
She only wished her dad would realise how much his wife cared and showed his gratitude sometime...and lying back on her bed,she knew this was exactly the same hope that made her mom cling on...only she called it love,because either way,even if her dad would not realise in this Life and ever after,she would still care for him,Love him and serve him....
This was how most Indian families were...Avanthi reharsed in her mind,There was pain,Sacrifice,Compromise from the women.They could put up anything from their husbands.So docile and patient,They were not quick to get angry,quick to react and regret...They just let it go...They only stuck to the traditional family style...this attitude amazed Avanthi as she lay there lost in thought............
Soon on entering...he looked at his wife and grunted "Wer'e hungry,now serve..." and sat at the table like a hungry wolf.His sister followed suite,heaving with pride for her brother's so called command,Manliness and hold over the house.
His wife looked at them,hiding her surprise because they did not tell her they would come.As timid as she was,who after fifteen years of marriage,trained so much in adversity knew exactly where this was leading, put up her false courage which was 'for the moment' because after It was over she was sure to breakdown and cry.She belived whatever it was,'It were better come out than go in'.she dint restrain to stop her tears...she knew,either way it made no difference.
"Its not cooked yet,You have to wait..." she replied and greeted her sis-in-law very politely offering her water while they waited and ran inside to speed up the cooker,her husband followed her into the kitchen opening the lid of every dish and viewing to find fault.
Mrs.Raghavan turned to her husband and knowing pretty well she was going to fight a lost battle,took a deep breath and began...'couldnt you call when you were just on the way so I would put the food ready,Isn't this the 21st century?and why couldnt you tell me your sis was coming along too?'she asked in a polite singsong way...The effect was same anyways...To this whisper,he shouted a reply only to make sure his sis would listen and the fuss would take shape...
"Aha,Look now...I knew it sis,She doesnt like cooking for my family,she cant stand my family at all"..."Can you"?he asked his wife,who by now was in tears of shock,nodded her head in disbelief and left to cut the lemons,the tears clouding her view and complicating things furthermore.
At the same time,their daughter 'Avanthi' came out from her room after having a long conversation with an old pal and reviving memories...She saw her dad and said 'Hi,dad and looking at her aunt tried to smile....atleast something like that,but she couldnt.Sensing the tense mood,she put away...That was the best thing to do,she learned from past experience and joined her mom in the kitchen,grabbing a few tomatoes and a knife.She caught her moms eye and raised her eyebrows?'Why is she here?did he tell you?'.her mom nodded "No" and the rest was understood by Avanthi.
'Ya,dad should have called' she thought placing the dishes on the table and reflected on how the mans ego won all the time.These rifts were common in the house but the battle was not meant to be fair,not meant to be won...The winner was already declared,she nodded subconsciously at her dad...he only played his part again and again...while Avanthi's thoughts thus formed her eyes absorbed the whole scene...her mom was speaking through sobs that she had extra hours to work at the office that day,so she couldnt cook sooner.To this he replied 'then leave it,Leave your damned job and fulfill your duty like a wife...You want a name for yourself,Dont I earn enough'?,he shouted...Now,that was foolish thought Avanthi and frowned,and saw her aunt observing her every reaction from the corner of her eye.she went to fetch more curd from the fridge as they finished and left to watch TV.
She left to her room and thoght how they had to swing along with his mood.It was no house,she thought...It was a war camp,sense the enemy and act...as these thoughts took shape,It suddenly hit her how she was developing loathing for her dad,who did love them once upon a time,who still financed her education,asked about school,who sometimes tried to fill the gap...gap...That was the problem,Communication gap,Gap from showing love,Gap from showing he cared...
this realisation struck another chord..."Mom"!
In due course,after the storm subsided,she went to her mom to console her as she always did...
Oh Cmo'n,she told her "that Man and his damned sis cannot ruin anything for us" was what was formed in her mind,but knowing better reframed it to"Dad's got the temper mom,You've got to take it smooth...".She analysed that the sentence still supported her dad and knowing It was the best went consoling her...remembering the time when her Dad had actually hit her mom and Avanthi,fuming with anger called him a jerk.her mom's reaction was totally unexpected for 'Slap' came her hand fresh on Avanthi's cheek.It was difficult to percive Avanthi's feelings at that time.She couldnt decide if she hated her dad more for hitting mom or mom for this 'special treatment' when she meant to fight for justice,cheer her mom and boost her morale...
Avanthi stood flabbergasted with a hand on her cheek trying to grasp the reality while her mom said in a stern tone "Dare not speak of my husband like that,how can you disrespect him?do you realise he's your dad?Its my problem,dont bother"....she retorted.Such instances made Avanthi wonder what was that driving force in her mom that made her bear all this.As she thought about all this,she consoled her mom chosing the right words for howmanyth time???she lost track.
Avanthi built up her lines and courage and continued..."Mom,I dont know how your'e putting it up,If I were you,I'd..."
her mom understood and replied...'look child,If I want it,i can divorce him in minutes,seconds...no big deal...I know you'll come along too...and then what??'she asked.'What have I won?couldnt I keep up my own family?moreover,Whom does he have to be loved?youre dad?just us....his sis will only take control,He cannot live without me...she said shuddering at the thought and went by to make buttermilk for her dad.
Avanthi looked at the pair of them and repeatedly thought over the lines...specially "Whom does he have to be loved"?and "what have I won"?Such was her love for her husband,she thought...as she thought over and over,she could only admire her mom more and more....It was her decision,she thought,she chose to suffer...but dint suffer,she wanted it.She wanted to keep up the family,The system,The setup and the sacred feeling of marriage...she found anything tolerable for this...anything untill he cheated on her,at this Avanthi stopped and nodded 'No other woman can put up this personality'she thought with a slight smile.
She only wished her dad would realise how much his wife cared and showed his gratitude sometime...and lying back on her bed,she knew this was exactly the same hope that made her mom cling on...only she called it love,because either way,even if her dad would not realise in this Life and ever after,she would still care for him,Love him and serve him....
This was how most Indian families were...Avanthi reharsed in her mind,There was pain,Sacrifice,Compromise from the women.They could put up anything from their husbands.So docile and patient,They were not quick to get angry,quick to react and regret...They just let it go...They only stuck to the traditional family style...this attitude amazed Avanthi as she lay there lost in thought............
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)