Hold it there…she ordered herself….Just let it
be…breathe…breathe…breathe….
The bus took another steep turn, Harika sat tight, and her
toes drew in automatically, her fists clenched as she closed her eyes….just
breathe…she nagged herself as she sat by the window…
She looked out at the beautiful scenery outside, all the
fog, the tall mountains with their foggy linings, the lake beneath in curvy
wavy patterns…she dint deserve this, why was it so beautifully mocking that she
liked it, but could’nt enjoy it…for a moment her stomach forgot to bother her,
another steep turn and she was pulled back to her seat…breatheeeee….she took
another deep breath…
Her neighbour passenger had her books open and seemed to be
doing some last minute cramming for the test they had to take immediately after reaching collage…she looked
at ease everywhere, at the scenery, into her book, closed her eyes for a moment
and seemed to revise, she looked at harika and smiled, a casual stretch of her
lips…harika managed to smile back…she was only worried, she would let out that
she was having trouble even breathing….she dint want that, no ways…last tjing
on earth, she dint like to make a scene… ‘burp’ and she felt better…only until
the bus took another turn and the air was swooshing on her face with a tinge of
the lake’s smell from underneath…..
It tingled her nose and she drew a lemon from her bag and smelled it, also popping in a
chewing gum…while thoughts like ‘why me’ flooded her mind…she was always a puky
kid who made fun trips all smelly whenever she was off with family and had them
mock at her later…it was routine by now to carry lemons, gums, and ginger extracts
wherever she went…she shouted the ‘why me’ in her mind and remembered to take
breaths, simultaneously smelling the lemon….
Harika drew her headset and played some soothing
instrumental music she had in her phone when she decided to sleep, and she
started imagining and faking the Good feel and ordered herself to Breathe…little
did her friend know, she was lost in her own fight, trying to fit in, be like
everyone else and not let the heights, curves or smells matter…in that slow
process of drawing in air and giving out, she fooled herself to feel nice, feel
as if it dint matter, like It was not going to affect her, ‘Naa…I’m good I’m
good…she literally spelled out…
And it seemed to work….she suddenly got this prepared for
nothing feeling, there was anticipation but no trouble…whow..she sighed and
remembered to breathe and not give the impression that she was up to something…
with whatever was that she was doing…This got her thinking of something she heard before…she
started joining the threads and along with the bus, she seemed to be going
somewhere….arriving somewhere…
This relief was so similar to what she felt after workout or after just running and gulping in
loads of air…there, it was a consequence
of proper blood circulation, synchronized breathing that energised every cell…
Whereas here, she just sat fighting back puky sensations and
trying to not just feel normal but feel ‘Good
…she was aiming for something high, that seemed not so
possible, given the circumstances and by attempting and faking, she made it?
All she was doing was creating the happy feel in her body
physically…when it was actually not present…she was creating the pseudo feel,
that worked out easy breath, easy life feel because the crisis was demanding
it???
She had to tell herself, it’s not only going to be okay, It’s
also going to be great in just remembering to feel good and practice it again
with a couple of deep breaths….
That Reaching inside and Uplifting sensation was very very
same in both the cases….as she was totally distracted by this Eureka moment,
she could smile at large at her neighbour and actually enjoy the view…while she
just wondered, so is this what they say about…’FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT’!
Are our bodies already designed to listen and adjust to
their higher goals…and If you have ever given relaxed and happy sensations to
your body…can it just remember and relate and fool you to keep you happy….am I
making sense she wondered as she remembered the patronous charm from Harry
potter…dint they just conjure a happy moment, and the merrier it was, the
stronger the spell and more the effective in ridding the demontours, the
happiness sucking creatures??
So, can we focus and use happiness in our Lives to make
another not so happy moment better? To face our fears? To conquer what seemed
imposible…It just felt like that…That maybe with the way we are designed, all
adaptive, we could just bring in happiness to where it was not present and
actually bring it…By forgetting the thin line of difference there, could we
merge it? By aiming high, pushing up a bit and telling oneself its okay,
actually do it?
What were we fighting against? Our own preconceived notions?
Our own barriers of Impossibility? Our own excuses for No’s??at that moment,
the scenery seemed even more beautiful to harika…it wasn’t mocking at her, It
was encouraging her to blend in…That’s it…she felt more in sync with the
Universe, with herself…and enjoyed the rest of the curves, happy in her own
thought process feeling like ’Nothings Impossible’…it was one of those moments
she could smile at just anybody!:)
